1. Swollen

Written by Michael Waugh

I know that greed is a sin
And that gluttony is deadly.
I crave to be filled with love
But constantly I’m empty.

It tasted of comfort
‘til it tasted of shame.
I served it ‘til I was


Swollen like a twisted ankle,
puffy like a purple bruise.
Trying not to swallow my feelings
That’s how it gets in you.
And you feel the weight,
when the weight is on top of you.


I’ve seen that look in your eyes
I recognise what it’s for.
I’ve seen it in reflective shop windows
And in bathroom mirrors before.
It still surprises me
What it’s done to me
And how it’s taken a hold.
It choked me ‘til I was


Swollen like a twisted ankle,
puffy like a purple bruise.
Trying not to swallow my feelings
That’s how it gets in you.
And you feel the weight,
when the weight is on top of you.
It fills your plate,
when the weight is on top of you.


And I was swollen,
Swollen,
Watching it take a hold and I was
Swollen,
Swollen,
That’s how it gets in you.


‘Geez, you’ve been in a good paddock.’
‘Are you sure you need another?’
‘Keep it on the quiet, I knew this guy who was on this diet and he removed all carbohydrates from his life.’
‘I’ve got a plan, we could replace every second meal with a high protein shake.’
I’m the sort of guy who eats all his feelings and there were far too many feelings I ate.
All I hear is ‘Love yourself if you really want to get into shape.’
How am I supposed to love myself when I look at my own body with hate?


Swollen like a twisted ankle,
puffy like a purple bruise
Trying not to swallow my feelings
That’s how it gets in you.
And you feel the weight,
when the weight is on top of you
You can feel the hate,
when the weight is on top of you
And it fills your plate,
when the weight is on top of you.


I know that greed is a sin
And that gluttony is deadly.
I crave to be filled with love

But constantly I’m empty.


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2. Dark

Written by Michael Waugh

Friday nights are mine
Every other day
Belongs to someone else here


And I don’t think I’m right
I’ve been thinking things
That I think I shouldn’t


When I stop into the servo with a headache on my mind
Get the keys to the ‘Mens’ and it’s chained to a ‘Bring Me Back’ sign


There’s a fluoro flicking in the toilet stall
While I’m getting changed
For the night at ‘Ringers’
There’s a mate from an oil rig
He’s coming on a chopper to buy me a drink
I want to go where the cocktails flow
They’re playing a song by Springsteen
‘Dancing in the Dark’ with a girl that I want to be with


Singing along to ‘Khe Sanh’
Screaming like Jimmy
And a vet from Vietnam


I haven’t been to a war
But I’m looking to settle a score
When I can work out what I’m fighting for


There’s a guy at the bar and he’s giving my girl the eye
And the boss starts to rock
and there’s shots
and ‘this gun’s for hire’


There’s a fluoro flicking in the toilet stall
While I’m killing time
On the night at ‘Ringers’
There’s a mate from an oil rig
He’s coming on a chopper to buy me a drink
I want to go where the cocktails flow
They’re playing a song by Springsteen
‘Dancing in the Dark’ with a girl that I want to be with


And I
want to dance in the dark
‘cause I don’t want to see
The light of day
Want to dance in the dark
‘cause I don’t want to see
The light of day
Want to dance in the dark
‘cause I don’t want to see
The light and


I want to go where the cocktails flow
And they’re playing a song by Sprinsteen
‘Dancing in the Dark’ with a girl that I want to be with
‘Dancing in the Dark’ with a girl that I want to be with
‘Dancing in the Dark’ with a girl that I want to be with
I’ll be ‘Dancing in the Dark’ with a girl that I want to be with


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3. Four Square

Written by Michael Waugh

That alarm doesn’t really suit ya
Up all night playing first person shooter
Get to school by 8.35
Or someone in a suit’s gonna eat you alive
God, it gets you down

Gotta study hard there’s a Science test Monday
Mum says I’m gonna be a businessman one day
Work hard, get a good ATAR
Everything you love makes you feel like a traitor
Sitting in the back row
Staring out the window
Praying for the bell
When at lunch all your mates go
d-d-d-d-down there

Taking it out on a tennis ball
Slapping it around a four square court
Breaking your body just to hit that thing
And somebody dies and makes you King
Slap, slap, slap it down
Make a face at the jeering crowd
They are not gonna keep you down
Show ‘em what we do there
Dominate the four square
d-d-d-d-down there
dominate the four square
d-d-d-d-down there
dominate the four square

Down
at the canteen
Buy a sausage roll and a can of V
And one of your mates is bouncing like a monkey
Swinging out the door like he’s flying from a trapeze
And the teacher is a real ringmaster
Cracking the whip while he’s trying to calm things d-d-d-d-down
This is not my circus
These are not my clowns

Taking it out on a tennis ball
Slapping it around a four square court
Breaking your body just to hit that thing
And somebody dies and makes you King
Slap, slap, slap it down
Make a face at the jeering crowd
They are not gonna keep you down
Show ‘em what we do there
Dominate the four square
d-d-d-d-down there
dominate the four square
d-d-d-d-down there
dominate the four square

Down,
Down,
Down,
Down
Down,
Down
They slap you down
The game gets rough and
They think you’ll bounce

So you’re taking it out on a tennis ball
Slapping it around a four square court
Breaking your body, just to hit that thing
Nobody died and makes you King

So you slap, slap, slap it down
Make a face at the jeering crowd
They are not keep you down
Show ‘em what we do there
Dominate the four square
Slap, slap, slap it down
Make a face at the jeering crowd
They are not gonna keep you down
Show ‘em what we do there
Dominate the four square

Down
Down
They slap you down


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4. He Taught Me

Written by Michael Waugh

He taught me how to start a fire
How to change the gears
How not to make them grind

He taught me how to order Chinese food
And ask them for a knife and fork
When you don’t know how the chopsticks work

He taught me how to crack a joke
And why you never pull his finger
How to be a decent bloke

He taught me how to steal a toddler’s nose
And when to put it back again
That’s what makes the grizzles go

He taught me not to cry
He taught me to be gentle
And how to change the subject
When it gets too sentimental
All about the way it works and
How it’s meant to be
Humanity and humour
Is what he taught to me

He taught me to stand for what is true
He taught me car rides full of limericks
And all of them were rude

He taught me how to keep a level head
And how to hug someone you love
After there’s an argument

He taught me how to work too hard
And how to climb through fences
How to be a tight arse
How to be too generous
How to light the BBQ and overcook the meat
Integrity and fairness
Is what he taught to me

He taught me in those final days
How to give a man his dignity
When his body wastes away

He taught me to plaster on a smile
talk about the footy
While you watch your father die

He taught me when to let things go
And when to fight things bravely
How to hide your face
When you can’t keep the pain in
He’d probably say to walk it off
That’s what a man should do
So, I’m learning to be tough
Getting through this stuff
Learning I’m enough

‘cause it’s what he taught me


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5. Hold On to the Ones You Love

Written by Michael Waugh

​

When I was young I put up a fight
I held my ground ‘cause I thought I was right
Told Dad that he didn’t understand
I had it all sorted it out
I was the cleverer man
On the day he left,
Thought of everything I shouldn’t have said
All the angry words,
All the time together we didn’t spend

Hold on to the ones you love
You don’t ever know how long you’ve got them for
Take a moment to make them smile
And show them you were grateful they were there in your life
And tell them that you’re sorry when you’re wrong
‘cause you don’t ever know how long you’ve got to
Hold on to the ones you love

When I was older I filled my life
With work and friends and music and wine
Told mum that I was too busy
To get back home
For that family visit
On the day she left, I was travelling to tell her ‘goodbye’
Wished I could go back in time
Find my way home when she was alive

Hold on to the ones you love
You don’t ever know how long you’ve got them for
Take a moment to make them smile
And show them you were grateful they were there in your life
And tell them that you’re sorry when you’re wrong
‘cause you don’t ever know how long you’ve got to
Hold on to the ones you love

Hold on to the ones you love
Hold on to the ones you love
When I lost them,
I was haunted by a million regrets
And in their memory,
I’m trying hard not to make that mistake again

Hold on to the ones you love
You know one day you’ll have to let them go

Hold on
Hold on
Hold on to the ones you love
Hold on
Hold on
Hold on to the ones you love

Hold on to the ones you love
You don’t ever know how long you’ve got them for
Take a moment to make them smile
And show them you were grateful they were there in your life
Hold on to the ones you love
Hold on to the ones you love
Hold on to the ones you love

Hold on to the ones you love
Hold on to the ones you love


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6. The Cast

Written by Michael Waugh

When Julie fell off of the monkey bars
Everyone in Grade Six gathered ‘round
There were rumours of how she came to fall
Legends of the awful cracking sound
While we waited for the ambos to arrive
A teacher held an icepack on her arm
She came back Monday like a hero from the war
And asked her mates to sign the cast

They wrote their names in bold, black Sharpies
They wrote ‘L-U-V’ for love
They drew crosses for their kisses
They drew circles for their hugs
Playground pilgrims came to pay her their respects
Some to write
Some of them to read
Somebody drew someone’s initials in a heart
That Jules kept hid beneath her sleeve

When I’m broken and I’m feeling small
When the fun and games have past
When I lose my grip and start to fall
Would you come to sign the cast?

I had fantasies of falling
Hopes of fractured legs and shattered arms
I dreamed of texta-coloured friendship
Scribbled on me if I came to harm
But I stayed away from the monkey bars that year
Didn’t ride a bike or climb a tree
I wasn’t frightened for the safety of my bones
Just scared they wouldn’t write on me

When I’m broken and I’m feeling small
When the fun and games have past
When I lose my grip and start to fall
Would you come to sign the cast?

I didn’t dare to dream of love like yours
I didn’t think that I deserved
To climb up here and fly above it all
Without a fear of getting hurt

When I’m broken and I’m feeling small
When the fun and games have past
When I lose my grip and start to fall
Would you sign the cast?

When I’m broken and I’m feeling small
When the fun and games have past
When I lose my grip and start to fall
Would you sign the cast?
Would you come and sign the cast?
Would you come and sign the cast?

Would you come to sign the cast?


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7. Flying

Written by Michael Waugh

Hey, little brother
I know you’ve been struggling
So I wanted to remind you
About the trip to Melbourne
When mum took us to Myers
Then out to see a movie
We laughed when she got terrified
Watching ET

When the lights went down at the Forum
When he said ‘phone home’
He said ‘I’ll be right here’
If you need me
You can jump on my pushbike
We can go flying
Away from the bad guys

Back in the sticks again
It wasn’t like a film set
And there wasn’t much happening
Except for things that you’d rather you’d forget
But we had each other
And a brand new BMX
Building sick jumps out the back
Out of plywood and house bricks

While we sing that tune from the A-Team
And I pity the fool
Who comes between you and me
You know I’ll be right here
If you need me
You can jump on my pushbike
We can go flying
Away from the bad guys

We’d go flying to the milk bar
While you ride on my handle bars

Hey, little brother
I know you’ve been struggling
And I know it’s been a long time
Since the trip to Melbourne
And the bike is rusted somewhere now
And we’ve moved to the suburbs
But I’ve still got you
And the wisdom of Spielberg

When it all falls down
And you skin your knee
Come and get back on your bike
You can fly up here with me

You know I’ll be right here
If you need me
You can jump on my pushbike
We can go flying
Away from the bad guys
We can go flying
Away from the bad guys
We can go flying
Away from the bad guys
Flying, flying, flying
Flying
Flying
Flying

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8. Real Estate

Written by Michael Waugh

Wish I had a clever joke so I could make you laugh
Wish I had a better deal for my better half
Wish I had money
Wish I had a plan
I wish I was a better man

I wish I could buy you
A place of our own
Somewhere with a wrap-around veranda
Where the bastards can leave us alone
In a double storey house
Where other stories are made
We can cuddle up with Saturday papers
And dream about real estate

I wish I could calm things down when they get out of hand
Wish I could fix all the broken things here
Wish I was a handier man
Wish had the words
I wish I could help
I wish we’d talk about something else

I wish I could buy you
A place by the beach
Somewhere with a view of the ocean
Where the tough stuff is far out of reach
Where we can drift off to sleep
To the crashing of waves
Or we can crash out next to a fire
And dream about real estate

I wish you were happy
I wish I was smart
I wish it didn’t break your heart

Wish I could buy you
A place in the hills
Somewhere where it’s cool and it’s green
And we’re high above the way that this feels

I wish I could buy you
A place of our own
Somewhere where we’ll hide from the neighbours
In a place that feels like home

Want to tear down walls
I want to renovate us
I want to place to grow old
Full of all of our stuff
I want a future for you and me
I want a piece of the Aussie dream
Want to buy it with you
Want to buy it with you
Want to buy it with you
I want to buy it with you
Want to buy it with you


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9. Too Many Drawers

Written by Michael Waugh

When my mother died
We found a life time full of junk
That she’d collected on Macarthur Street

Boxes with my brother’s names
A letter she had written me one Christmas
Stuck behind a picture frame

It said ‘When it’s time for God to get me,
I’m not sure that I’ll be ready,
Look at what I’ll leave behind…

I’ve got too many drawers to be cleaned
Too many cupboards left to sort
Full of too many clothes that I have bought
I’ve got a shed that’s stacked with suitcases
That are full of precious things
I’ve got too many drawers to be cleaned

Shelves and shelves of photo albums
Knickknacks wrapped in doilies
With notes taped on the bottom saying where they’re from

‘These earrings belonged to mum’
‘This vase came from Trixie’s’
‘I got this on our anniversary from John’

In a cupboard in the kids’ room
Photo albums that were brand new
Waiting to be filled with times that never came

I’ve got too many drawers to be cleaned
Too many cupboards left to sort
Full of too many clothes that I have bought
I’ve got a shed that’s stacked with suitcases that are full of precious things
I’ve got too many drawers to be cleaned

Trying to sort the pieces of your life
Trying to work out things to give away
Trying to sort out things that we should keep
Trying to work out how to make you stay

And in our loungeroom, now,
I have kept the photograph of you and dad
On Simon’s wedding day

If I kept a souvenir
For every precious memory
I’d need a drawer bigger than Macarthur Street

Still when it’s time for God to get me,
I know you will still be with me
in a drawer inside my heart where I can keep you safe

I’ve got too many drawers to be cleaned
Too many cupboards left to sort
Full of so many memories of her
I’ve got a shed that’s stacked with suitcases that are full of precious things
I’ve got too many drawers to be cleaned

Too many drawers to be cleaned


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10. Butchering Day

Written by Michael Waugh

Leanne’s climbing on the side of the fence
Staring at the steer that doesn’t know what’s coming next
And the bolt in old Trevor’s hand is a bit of a give away

Sandra’s standing on the cattle-grate
Waving her black poly pipe around like a lightsabre
Helping her dad herd the cows on butchering day

You can see the whites in their eyes
Everybody’s closing their mouths from the flies
We all get blood on our hands
Filling up the freezer bags

Dog’s scratching at the side of the fence
Hungry for the scraps to be fed to them
All the kids - younger than ten
Trev doesn’t raise vegetarians

He hangs the beast from a hook in the roof
Takes his best knife and he digs deep into its chest
Like a gruesome piñata
Leanne watches guts rain on the boots of her father
And blood pools into oil stains
On the garage floor on butchering day

‘Get out ya mongrel’
He kicks at the dog
Lapping at the pool at his feet

Sandra’s bored of the bloody mess
She goes out the front to practise somersaults
With an eye still on that scene
Safely bouncing on the trampoline

And mum hits the dog with the broom
Everybody knows there’s just one job to do:
Keep out of Trevor’s way
On butchering day

Bathroom looks like a Hitchcock flick
And mum’s best towels have been in better nick
And the beer in old Trevor’s hand is a bit of a give away

Leanne’s staring at his fingernails
Black crescent moons on a cracked lunar scape
And she knows better than most when it’s time to give him space

Mum serves the mash and the chops
Creeping ‘round the kitchen in her slippers and socks
And he eats ‘til he’s had his fill
On the remnants of last year’s kill

You can see the whites in their eyes
Everybody’s closing their mouths from the flies
We’ve got nothing to say
On butchering day

We’ve got nothing to say
On butchering day

We’ve got nothing to say
On butchering day


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11. Irrigation Channel

Written by Michael Waugh

Down by the irrigation channel
Where we used to take our socks off
Sliding down the muddy banks
To where we couldn’t see our toes

She didn’t say a word
Her face told every gory
Detail from the slimy rocks
And the eels feeding down below

Everything unravelled at the channel
but we didn’t come to swim
Dress hanging from a blackberry branch
While its thorny hands reach in

Hungry silence at the kitchen table
Piece of meat like she used to make me
Run my knife through the mashed potato
Making rivers with the gravy

Stacking plates on the kitchen sink
Scrape ‘em clean in the dirty water
Thoughts running to a hot dark night
Down a track to where I caught her

Everything unravelled at the channel
but we didn’t come to swim
Dress hanging from a blackberry branch
While its thorny hands reach in
And the water wheel doesn’t spin there anymore
But I still recall the kicking and the slapping of it all

Back paddock’s like a dry dead body
Walking down the irrigation channel
Peering out like a digger in a foxhole
Shooting into No Man’s Land

Found a rag on a blackberry branch
Flapping in the breeze like a fish on a hook
Thought of summers when the grass was greener
And the irrigation flowed

Everything unravelled at the channel
but we didn’t come to swim
Dust rises like a ghost in the paddock
While those thorny hands reach in

And the water wheel doesn’t spin there anymore
But I still recall the kicking and the slapping of it all
That water wheel doesn’t spin there anymore
But I still recall the kicking and the slapping of it all

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12. Dirty River

Written by Michael Waugh

There’s a backpacker feeling homesick
Waking up on St Kilda Beach
There was a big night out at The Espy
But there are bagels on Acland Street
There’s a tram rattling into the city
There’s a jogger running ‘round The Tan
There’s a gutter that I spewed in once when I was a younger man

From commission flats in Richmond
To Prahran where the money starts
There’s a dirty river running through her heart

On the Belgrave line there are business suits
Flowing out onto Flinders Street
There’s a coffee brewing in Carlton
Pulling beers down at The Retreat
There’s a deal going down in Braybrook
There’s a dealer making killings at Crown
There’s a primary school that my son went to in the middle of Clifton Hill

From the Ranges down to Williamstown
From the bay to where it starts
There’s a dirty river running through her heart

They’re lining up for souva’s, drunk on Brunswick Street
There’s a busker at the Bourke Street Mall, they’re crowding ‘round a miked up didge
There’s a vigil for Eurydice down at Princes Park
There’s a dirty river running through her heart

They are praying at St Paul’s Cathedral
And a mosque out in Noble Park
There’s a scream rising out of the MCG where the AFL faithful are
Past the weary face of Weary, an ANZAC’s marching through
There’s a party out in Templestowe where I fell in love with you

From the treaty made by Batman
For the beautiful Birrarung Marr
There’s a dirty river running through her heart

Through Kulin nation country
The Yarra is running still
My home stands on Wurundjeri Land and I know it always will

Though we’ve been far from Melbourne
Wherever we are
There’s a dirty river running through our hearts

There’s a dirty river running
Through her heart


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13. Sleepless

Written by Michael Waugh

Sonny and Cher were singing ‘I Got You, Babe’
So, I tuned into the laughter that the television made
Saw a shadow in the corner move now I’m trying to be brave
Back when I was little
I held onto my pillow
Thinking: all the monsters stay under the bed
But it isn’t like one of those fairy tales
There’s no ‘long ago’
it’s not far enough away
To put these sleepless nights to rest

Parents went out hours ago
Weren’t around to know
I was up after Don Lane
And you told me that they would be angry if I had been up so late
And you said if I said what you did that they wouldn’t love me again
Back when I was little
I held onto my pillow
Thinking: all the monsters stay under the bed
And it isn’t like one of those fairy tales
There’s no ‘long ago’
it’s not far enough away
To put these sleepless nights to rest

Up and around while your asleep
Here with the memories and the sitcoms on telly
Nothing here but persistent ghosts
And the sound of someone laughing at a stupid joke

Sleepless
Hoping
I’ll find a way to get over it
Sleepless
Hoping
I’ll find a way to get over the
Voices
Talking
Every night until morning
I’m sleepless
Hoping

Back when I was little
I held onto my pillow
Thinking: all the monsters stay under the bed

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© 2021 MICHAEL WAUGH​